where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
