i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
