dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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