My nipple is on Facebook.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
