i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize