yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
