I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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