you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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