So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
