Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
