i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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