I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
