Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
