Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Your dad touched me again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
