your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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