"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
