Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
