and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
