That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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