You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
