All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
