get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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