I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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