hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
