You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
