after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
