i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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