Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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