mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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