you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
