She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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