I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
