Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
