remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
