I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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