I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
