im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
