Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
