I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
