Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
