I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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