What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
