you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
