I showed him my bush... on skype.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
