i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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