Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
where am i from again
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
