so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
farters have to be the big spoon...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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