just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
