The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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