My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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