all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
