I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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