Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
