I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
