so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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