It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
