U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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