People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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