nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
