The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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