We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
