and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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