I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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