I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pooping to opera.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
