I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
