I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
