There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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