i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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