Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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