JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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