you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
