he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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