More tranny stories later!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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