Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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