my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I currently don't understand fingers.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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