I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
