dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They are going to name an STD after you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
